Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Happy Dayz

People of Planet Earth, we are merely two months away from Torchwood's long awaited debut (expect Halloween-ish) but despite this fact, we still know very little about the broadcasting plans. Sure, the series is going out in a post-watershed 9pm/10pm slot, but the big question still remains:

What day of the week will Torchwood actually air?

We at Torchwood.tv like to tackle the big questions. Big questions like this. So let us take you on a guided tour of each day of the week, and what sort of television airs that day, to give you a flavour of what you can expect:

SUNDAY - Repetitive, boring programming for the over 60's, or deeply religious. For anyone else, it's no man's land. If Torchwood aired here, it'd be written by Roy Clarke, and feature over-70s enjoying their retirement whilst trying to seduce old women (and occassionally, aliens) in a very mad, smutty, "Carry on..." sort of way.

MONDAY - Inventive crime dramas. Some even have post-modern twists (a la Life on Mars). A great many are hits with the British public, and go onto win many, many awards. Torchwood would be at home here. I can imagine it now...

TUESDAY - Strange, surreal American drama. Hatches, dead narrators, real time. If it's an American hit, it'll air here. Expect Torchwood USA next year.

WEDNESDAY - Midweek drift, where bad shows go to die. Lets not even imagine Torchwood airing here...

THURSDAY - Anything goes night. Literally. Comedy. Drama. Reality television. Torchwood would either become the highlight of the night, or become forever lost in repeats of Love Island...

FRIDAY - Comedy night. For Torchwood to air this night, it'd have to guest star Jimmy Carr, and see one member of the Torchwood team evicted from the Big Brother house each week. Oh, and it's target audience would be drunk men, returning home from the pub with a greasy kebab on their laps. Unlikely...

SATURDAY - Hip, modern science fiction that isn't afraid to capture audience's hearts everywhere. Torchwood's ideal home, but with Robin Hood around the corner, has Torchwood been shoehorned out of its natural home?
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