Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Foxy Mistress

With the season finale of Torchwood's second series just days away, fan attention is quickly turning to the as-yet unannounced third season - which is said to be vastly different from these first two years. But let's not get into that again... Here's a juicy rumour I heard a couple of months back that has now been confirmed by one of this site's most accurate sources, "I Want to Believe":

He/She says...

"It's official - Elisabeth Sladen will be appearing in the next series of Torchwood! Yep, the star of The Sarah Jane Adventures is heading to adult television land for the first time, and from what I hear, it's a very... erm... 'juicy' role, too! It's a long story... basically she hooks up with Jack, in a very literal sense, in the next series of Doctor Who - and he invites her back to his Torchwood Cardiff Hub!!"

The reason?

"Elisabeth and John are just so fantastic together! From the moment they met on set and their characters snog outside the TARDIS, show bosses knew that these characters were DESTINED to be together... They're both so commited to making this relationship work - it's time Jack turned a new leaf, and Sarah too! We all know what she got up to with Harry Sullivan back in the day... Sex & Sarah-Jane? BBC bosses are angry that the writing team didn't see the possibilities there before. "

Of course, the original intention was for Freema Agyeman to join the show at some point next series, but that appearence seems to have been thrown right out of the window now:

"Freema is a fantastic young actress... a rising star... but sometimes, ya know, a show just needs a hot, single, middle aged MILF to stir things up. Sarah Jane/Elisabeth Sladen fits the bill perfectly - though, around Jack, nobody is single for long!!"

So, what exactly will Sladen bring to the show - except MILF status?

"Well, her and Gwen have their fallings out. They get up one another's noses - literally. One episode sees the pair reduced in size, and shot up one another's naval passages. There's no real narrative reason for the show to explore human noses - only, the writing team are rapidly running out of taboos to break. It's [s]not going to be pretty!"

The final word?

"Immortality + menopause = 51st century lovin'! Hooray for Torchwood!!!"

"I Want to Believe" reported this story last April 1st.

Happy April Fool's, folks.

16 comments:

sadbhyl said...

I hate you with the fires of a thousand white hot suns. Just wanted you to know! ;)

Anonymous said...

That was the funniest thing I've read in ages! Thank you!

Anonymous said...

Good, but not as good as last year's (Burn and Eve hooking up offset). It had us cursing his ass for leaving his poor wife with a small child, until we clued into the date. Still, my pulse began to elevate as I mentally pictured some sort of Mrs. Peel look for ES.

Sepik said...

Lol! Oh God I'm laughing. Luckily, as soon as you used the term 'MILF', I knew it HAD to be a joke. But still! Just... xD

<3

nic said...

I am such an idiot. But you know, as I was reading it I was thinking... shit. This is a good idea!

Is anybody else up for a champaign? But it was probably Benton not Sullivan...

Bad Wolf said...

i was reading thinking wow sj and i werent expecting that. then i see at the end happy april fools which ive been thinking about all day. damn you got me good tw.tv

Kopic said...

Damn! Damn! Damn! Damn! Damn! Can I just say, "hook, line and sinker???"

This is such a brilliant idea, I just wish it were true. Now, THAT would be a ratings hit! :-D

Anonymous said...

I actually came on just to see what you would put for today xD

rocky_of_TW said...

Lol...awesome...I hadn't seen any AF stuff yet so that was funny

Sparky said...

Ah I didn't get it was a joke for ages.
I was seriously scared there.
If this was true then it could easily be the scariest episode of Torchwood ever.
Damn April Fool's Day. :(

kryswynUSA said...

Ever since a grade school teacher got me with "100 words on 'Who is Loof Lirpa?'" I have been wary of anything I see on April 1. And yet, and yet .... There I go thinking this would work. Poor Ianto, but it would resolve Gwack and if Jack will shag anything, why not a woman my age?? LOL!! Of course then I remembered writers wouldn't be writing w/o a 3d season commitment.

Can I also mention my relief when I read they'd realized that Freema was not a good fit with TW? That should have been a big clue. They had to learn that the hard way!

Good job jackharkness, you got me! For today sign me
'Want to Believe'!

Anonymous said...

i was reading thinking wow sj and i werent expecting that. then i see at the end happy april fools and dam this is not true even though it is a fantastic idea that should happen at some point

Anonymous said...

i was thinking huh? what about the children? is nobody thinking of the children? xD

Sarahjanex: The Sladenite News said...

I hope it's an April Fools joke today!

Anonymous said...

That. Was. Hilarious. XD

Anonymous said...

i actually believed it!!!! i was was thinking, What about ianto? sj and cj. no way!!!